Sand Style: The Bachelor!
by Yarochisai
Summary: Temari's tired of a certain someone chasing her boyfriends away, and she plans to do something about it. Watch Gaara writhe in pain as she tries to set him up with girls of Konoha!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: "Temari's" Brilliant Plan

Gaara X EVERYONE! (noooo... not really... But close enough)

Summary: Temari is sick and tired of having her boyfriends chased away from her. She can never get a boyfriend to go out with her without a certain someone chasing them all away. Her solution? To set up Gaara with any possible girls in Konoha and keep his hands full while she goes hunting for a boyfriend!

Disclaimer in profile

Warning: A fic meant more for humor than romance. No slash. I am physically and mentally unable to write yaoi. And romance. And anything that has to do with either. (sob) I don't know whyyyy... I just can't do sappy stuff... Oh, and another warning: the end will probably be crap.

* * *

Temari was always bored, sitting all day at Sunagakure with her brothers. She was seventeen now, and all she wanted to do all were the things that any other normal girl her age would do. Like go out on dates. However unlike most girls her age, she face a slight obstacle when it came to the world of datings. No... She had brothers. 

The older's name was Kankurou and he was the most disgusting guy in the Sand. She hated him! He wouldn't help clean up the house, he had no table manners, and he was constantly putting his feet on the couch! But, despite being the messier, stupider, lazier brother, she had a second one, and he was worse. At least Kankurou was stupid.

The other brother was Gaara. The newest Kazekage, who was recently promoted directly from chuunin to kage just weeks ago, was the youngest of the Sand siblings and the most dangerous and powerful shinobi in the village. Normally, no one would mind the rich brothers and could probably stand going on a date with Temari...

Except for the fact that every guy who sent her a flirtatious glance in Temari's direction would mysteriously disappear for several days and return fearing for their lives, as twitchy as ever. Kankurou wasn't the type of guy who would beat the hell out of a guy for a reason like flirting with his sister. If there was a reason to fight, then he wouldn't. However if there was no perfectly logical reason to fight, you could guarantee that he could proceed to beating the hell out of you with his puppets. A weird guy.

So it must have been Gaara doing all of this.

So you can imagine that Gaara's uncontrollable urge to kill people brought any chances of a date for Temari to a halt. Perhaps his ability and eagerness to kill everyone in sight at almost any opportunity was usually rather handy in the past, but now he was Kazekage. Rule number one: no killing relatively innocent villages. That was the Golden rule, set by the council of elders. But it didn't stop Gaara from being overprotective (an odd feeling for a murderous younger brother), and Gaara's tendency to chase off guys who looked in Temari's direction left Temari lacking a love life.Very frustrating indeed.

"This is soooo not fair," Temari said to herself, not really having any younger sister to share her problems with. Sometimes she wished Gaara was a girl. Of course, that would be weird. And if he _had_ been born a girl, she wouldn't be having this problem in the first place. Of course, a Gaara-chan would be really... scary. "I wish... dammit, I wish Gaara would just go OUT with someone!" And then she had an idea. A brilliant idea. An idea so brilliant, she didn't know why she didn't think about it earlier.

Ask Shikamaru to give her a brilliant idea!

Temari wrote to Shikamaru. It wasn't as if he was her boyfriend or anything but as a very...close 'friend'. With benefits. She warned him to stay away from the Sand before he disappeared as well, but asked him to come up with a plan. And that was when they started making their forming their new secret mission: Operation 'Hook-Up-Gaara'.

This would prove to be a very troublesome mission indeed.

* * *

Every day for the past several weeks, Gaara always returned home late from his office with shakey hands and twitchy eyes. 

"The Makotos are constantly destroying the village and causing major property damage!" he would shout angrily. "And the youngest one plays in my office and acts like she's my own 'assistant'! And even worse... everyone thinks she IS! How can the believe a psychotic little girl like that?" That's how it always started. Every day. And then there would be the news that changed every day.

"Good god, every day just gets worse and worse," he growled that day. "The elders bring up the most useless of all information. 'What is your opinion on the concret base of Sunagakure?' It's there! I get it! And then they have _me_ raise the whole village just because I'm the only one who can control sand...? ('Oooh, so that's why there was an earthquake...' Temari thought.) Why me? When it gets to things like this, it really...makes me just want to... kill someone." Gaara's eyes glazed over, seeing a few kids on the street playing with the ball. He had an evil smirk on his face.

It seemed to Temari that Gaara was having fun, or at least thinking of it. She poked his nose.

"No, Gaara. _Nooo_," she said, waving a finger in front of his face. He glared at her, losing the manic look on his face. "Good boy."

"I hate it when you poke me like that," he said to her.

"You also hate it when people have fun," she reminded him. "No killing. Think of it as a diet—"

"I'm not fat, Temari."

"That's not what I mean. I mean, you might not like it, but you have to do it anyway."

"Kankurou's fat. Make him go on a diet."

"Now, Gaara, that's not nice. Kankurou's not fat. His nose is just wide. He _looks_ fat, but he isn't... Anyway, that's not my point. You don't like not killing, but you have to not kill anyway. Alright?"

"No."

"Gaara..."

"Temari."

Temari shook her head. "Gaara, you are a Kazekage whether you like it or not and you've got responsibilities to _help _the people of Sunagakure, _not_ kill them," she said sternly. Gaara sighed, shaking his head. "Coffee?" she asked him.

"Yes," he said gruffly. She gave her younger brother a look. "Please," he added through gritted teeth.

"Good, for that, I'm not adding any sugar and cream at all," Temari said cheerfully. She looked at him expectantly.

"Thank. You." He glared at her. Him? Thank a person? This was unheard of! Until now.

Behind them, they heard a laugh that they both hated almost equally. "Gaara, Temari's breaking you down," the middle brother of the Sand siblings laughed. "She's already gotten you to use table manners?"

"Well, eventually, I'm going to get you to stop farting at the dinner table, 'Kuro," Temari said cheerfully. "Because I've developed a new system for you. For each fart and burp at the dinner table, anything you're eating gets replaced by a bowl of spinach that you will have to finish if you want to eat anything else for the rest of the day."

Kankurou went pale, although no one could really see under the face paint he wore. "No! I refuse to eat that green shit! (1) Temari, you can't do this to me...!"

"Sucks for you," she said.

Kankurou scoffed. "Not really. I guess even spinach is better than that crap you stick on the table and call food."

Temari stopped in the middle of the kitchen to stare at him. Did he just _insult_ her _cooking?_ "Say. That. Again."

"Your cooking stinks, Temar—gaaaaaah!" During the short time he was speaking, Temari had whipped the fan off her back and swung it hard in the direction of her brother, causing him to fly through the door and out of the room.

"Say that one more time, boy! One more time, and you're dead!" she shrieked. The door was broken now. Gaara sighed. Another repair to make to his house. Kankurou was sticking on what used to be their furniture. Gaara's couch. Great. Having older siblings usually meant having a bit more financial support, if they were working, but since they worked under him instead, he was the financial pillar of the house. Ah, the irony. The older siblings were more dependent on the youngest, who just so happened to be the newest kage of Kaze no kuni.

"Oh yeah...sorry about that, Gaara," Temari said, knowing how much he hated having to pay for the damages done to the house.

"I'm used to it," he muttered. Coffee... It makes everything better.

"By the way..." Temari said. "What's your opinion on kunoichi of the Sand?"

He looked at her. This was a trick question, he was sure. If he said what he thought, she'd get angry. If he lied, she'd know and get angry anyway. Therefore, he would have to choose his answer carefully.

"...They're okay. Most are...strong. Very strong. And... enthusiastic in battle. But I don't...prefer them over all."

"Over all as in compared to other countries?" she asked.

"...Yes. Because the kunoichi in other countries... very. Except for the ones from the Stone. Iwagakure kunoichi are intolerable and excessively violent..." he said suspiciously.

Temari smiled. "Good."

Good? "Why?"

"Just wondering. I'm just curious."

"No you aren't," Gaara said. "What are you scheming?"

"Nooothing," she said.

"Temari."

"Gaara."

He glared at her. Temari tried to imitate his face and glare back, but she couldn't hold back her grin. "Hehe, you'll know soon enough."

"If I find out _after_ you destroy the city, I will be very angry."

"Of course!" she said. "And I don't want to anger Kazekage-sama!"

Gaara had a bad feeling about this.

* * *

"Psst, Hinata," Sakura whispered in the Hyuga girl's ear. "Why are your sister and cousin on this bus?" 

"Ano..." Hinata looked at Hanabi and Neji. Hanabi was bouncing around in the bus without her seatbelt on, looking through the window and playing with Tenten. Neji, on the other hand, was glaring holes into his two Hyuga cousins and Tenten.

"Eh, only a Hyuga can glare at three people at once," Ino scoffed. Sakura laughed and Hinata smiled. The bus then jerked forward to a stop. All of the girls (Ino, Tenten, Sakura, Hinata, and Hanabi) and Neji got off the bus after paying a small fee.

On the outskirts of town, they found the recently promoted jounin, Sabaku Temari, waiting for them.

"Hi," she greeted them cheerfully. "I was expectin gyou a while ago, but oh well. I blam the fat bus driver. Come on, all of you, I'll show you where you will be stayi—"

"Wait," Sakura said. Temari stopped and looked back at them.

"What?"

"What was the ad in the newspaper for? All that it said was that an important person in Sunagakure was looking for a date. Females around age fourteen prefered."

"That's what it was for. I'm trying to hook up someone with a girl."

"Yeah, but who is it?"

Temari grinned at Sakura. "You'll find out soon enough," she said. She turned to Neji and looked him up and down. "Neji, I know that in the ad, it said, 'females prefered', but when I wrote 'prefered', I meant, 'anyone-who-is-not-a-girl-is-therefore-excluded'."

Neji glared at her. "I know that."

"Oh. Okay. Just making sure you knew the risks of coming here and being a guy," Temari said with a smile.

"We have no idea why he came," Tenten said with a shrug. "It's probably because Hinata and Hanabi are here.You know, the overprotective brotherly cousin type?"

"Don't I kno-- wait, didn't he hate the Main Family? And I could've sworn he tried to kill Hinata."

Hinata blushed and looked away. Beaten up, right in front of Naruto...

"After learning some truth, he's gotten a bit friendlier towards then, A complete one eighty degrees from what he used to be and do. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if he's completely sane, spontaneously switching personalities like that," Tenten said.

"Stop talking as if I'm not here, Tenten," Neji said. "You tried to leave me alone with Gai _and _Lee. You must be trying to kill me. Or break me at least"

"Aw, poor Neji," Temari cooed. "Scared of your own teammates?" Of course, she wasn't much one to talk, having been scared of her own younger brother.

"If your teammates wore green spandex and tried to hug you and asked you where your youth has gone every fifteen minutes, believe me, you'd be scared too," Neji warned. Temari froze, imagining it herself/ Baki, Kankurou, and Gaara... Green spandex... thick eyebrows...hugging her and jabbering something about the 'springtime of youth'... Temari collapsed, laughing and clutching her stomach.

"Aaaahahahaha! No more, no more!" she cried, wiping tears from her eyes. The other shinobi looked at her strangely, and then remembered just who her teammates were.

'Oh yeah...she's got Gaara on her team...Glad I'm not her...' they all thought. They probably wouldn't be able to stand working so closely with a bloodthirsty killer. Even for a shinobi, Gaara was bloodier and more dangerous than any other kid their age that they had ever met. Except for Hanabi, who never met him in the first place.

* * *

Gaara sighed. HE was walking home back from his office. The weird girls were following him home again. Shuddering, Gaara walked faster. He opened the door of his house, ready to complain and demand his hard-earned black coffee when... 

He found it full of girls, Neji, and Kankurou.

"..." What. The. Hell. No! He NEVER invited people over! What was going on?

Gaara glared menacingly at his older sister, who grinned and smiled in return. "Heya, Gaara!" she said cheerfully. "You know these people from Konoha, right? This is Yamanaka Ino, Hyuga Hinata, Hyuga Neji, Hyuga Hanabi, Something Tenten, and Haruno Sakura."

"'Something' Tenten?"

"No one knows my family name!" Tenten said proudly. Neji opened his mouth, but she dove in to cover it. "I said, NO ONE knows my surname, Neji, and 'no one' includes you..." she said, a hint of a threat in her voice.

Gaara glanced over the guests. Ino was a teammate of Temari's lazy 'friend'. Hinata and Neji were cousins, he knew, but who was the midget kid in between them? He remembered Neji beating the hell out of Hinata, but he had never seen this third person before. Tenten was the girl that Temari had beat to a pulp during their first chuunin exams. ...Yeah, why where they here again?

"Temari, if you're inviting friends from another _country_, I really would have prefered it if you at least warned me first," Gaara said to her.

"Oh!" Temari said, "They're not my friends!"

"...So you invited these 'strangers' (whom we just happen to know) into our house," Gaara said with a hint of sarcasm.

"No, not strangers," Temari said. "They're _your_ friends."

'Since when did I have FRIENDS? Friends are for losers! Like Kankurou!' Gaara thought. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Reopening them, he saw Temari had finally stopped moving around the kitchen, cleaning up, and was finally in one place. Target locked.

He walked past her but pulled her sleeve as he did so, dragging her out of the kitchen, through the recently badly repaired doors, and into the living room.

"Temari..."

"Gaara..." his sister said, imitating his serious tone with a mocking look on her face. Gaara glared at her, really wanting to wipe that smirk off her face.

"I appreciate the gesture," he said, with a demonic smile of his own. "But the stress isn't so bad that I need you to import foreign shinobi just for me to kill. But don't worry, I won't let them go to waste. I put them in a room and just keep them there until I need to relieve a little bit of stress."

Temari blanched. "Gaara! I didn't bring them here for you to kill!" she said loudly. All talking in the kitchen ceased as the Leaf shinobi peeked through the cracked door to see just what was going on in the living room and if they should run from the Sand screaming bloody murder or not.

"Erm... don't kill them," she said.

Gaara sighed. "I won't. The elders won't like it if I do, and then I'll be the cause of a Leaf-Sand conflict, being a murderous Kazekage, right?"

"Right."

"But... why is my kitchen full of girls?"

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Kankurou said. He was currently lazing around on the couch, reading a magazine featuring possible puppet customizations he had gotten from the Makotos. "It's like your own personal harem!"

"Kankurou, shut up and get out. Temari, answer my question," Gaara said in a eerily calm voice.

"Um... well... you see... I'm just trying to make your life easier!" Temari said, finishing the sentence in a cheerful voice once again. "Sinc you're too busy to ever do anything... like go out with a girl or something, I just called all the girls available in the Leaf to hook you up!"

"Okay... one: there are only five available girls in Konoha?"

"Erm... well, I guess others are already in a working relationship?" Temari said hestitantly.

"Fine. Two: you do realize that there's a guy in there, right?"

"Well, I'm not really sure what he's doing here..."

"Alright then. Finally: I'm not interested in girls. I don't like them. In fact, I despise them, loathing them from the bottom of my heart," Gaara said.

"..." -

The room was silent. Kankurou stared at his brother in disbelief and Temari stood there with her mouth agape.

"WHAT?" Temari shrieked. "Oh. My. God. The Sabaku line ends here!"

("Hey, what about me?" Kankurou asked. "Kankurou, you are staying single forever with manners like yours," Temari replied.)

"Girls are... they're...I don't like them!" Gaara said, looking frustrated. "They're all..._girls_."

"Aren't you a bit old for the 'girls-are-icky' stage?" Kankurou wondered out loud.

"They're all touchy-feely all the time and jump out at me wherever I go! I don't like them, and they don't like me. In fact, I think they all hate me or something!" Gaara said, looking angrier and angrier.

"Most people in the village admire you," Temari said. "What are you talking about?"

He grabbed his sisters arm again and headed back to the kitchen. All of the eavesdropping shinobi fell back away from the door and ran to the table, pretending to act as casual as they could. They failed to do so, with Tenten sprawled on the floor, having tripped on her feet in the scramble, Hanabi with Gaara's spilled hot coffee on her lap, and Neji and Hinata running all over the kitchen looking for napkins to help their sister/cousin with the scalding coffee. Gaara ignored them.

"What are you doing?" Temari asked him frantically as he dragged her out onto the street.

"I'm showing you that I'm right and that girls don't like me," he said. In the window of the living room, he could see in the corner of his eye that everyone had moved into the living room with Kankurou and was watching them through the open window, not inconspicuous at all.

With Temari watching him from the sidelines, Gaara walked casually down the street. Well, he walked as casually as a Kazekage could with a giant gourd strapped onto his back and an increasing number of stalkers at his heels. Soon, he passed by a small group of girls. He glared at them with his most powerful deathglares, and Temari watched in amazement how they reacted.

The first of the three girls blushed and looked away, covering her face with a hand. The second girl smiled in return. The third just started laughing. Gaara glared even more fiercely than before, and instead of running for their lives, the girls ran away giggling, stealing glances back at the angry Kazekage and sometimes even pointing at him in amusement, as if they were saying something about him that they should be saying.

Irritated, Gaara stomped back to Temari. "You see?" he snarled. "Did you see what they did?"

Temari was shocked beyond words. Who would have thought that Gaara would be a ladykiller at age fourteen? And not literally either! "I...uh... they...really _like_ you..." she commented, stunned.

"Like me?" Gaara repeated. "_Like_ me?-! Temari, are you blind? They were laughing at me! Aargh!" Gaara clutched his head and grabbed his hair, growling frustratedly. "That's it!" He released his hair and started to make a fist towards girls, who were almost completely gone. "I'll kill them!"

"Noo!" Temari cried, grabbing her brother's arms. "I can't... I can't really explain this to you, but they _do_ like you! They do! They're not really laughing _at _you... They're just laughing..._because_ of you..." she finished lamely. Gaara stared at her.

"That's the same thing! They have no right to laugh at me! I'm not funny! I _refuse_ to be funny!"

"Honestly, Gaara, they aren't making fun of you, just don't kill them!"

"Dude..." Kankurou muttered to the other shinobi in the building. "I wish girls 'made fun of' me like that..."

"Gaara, listen to me," Temari said, wanting to slap this boy. How could this genius boy, the youngest kage in history of all kages, not understand a thing about girls?-! "The girls are not making fun of you! And you will be a gentleman and treat these ladies and Neji like honored guests or so help me I will put cream in your coffee and send a letter to Tsunade-sama, telling her of your rude behavior towards shinobi of the Leaf!"

Now, Gaara couldn't care less how many letters Temari would send to the Hokage of Konoha, but... cream? In _his_ coffee? No! He would not stand for that! He glared at his sister and sighed. At least _she _was scared of him.

"I sense a hidden intent in all of this," he said to Temari, "but I'll put up with you and all of this. For now, anyway."

* * *

(1) According to the official databook, Kankurou's favorite food is hamburger, and his least favorite it spinach. How they grow spinach in Sunagakure which is a DESERT...I don't know.

* * *

I'm sitting in my corner devising ways to torture Gaara. Any ideas for dates? This is my first 'romantic comedy'. It doesn't have as much romance as I had wanted it to... Anyway, no flames, but maybe some constructive criticism, please? (I am begging to you with my pretty pretty eyes, all blue and sparkly, which is abnormal for an Asian...). I actually got this idea from Shrek. How...? I am not sure. Any advice for my writing would be greatly appreciated. 

And yes, I realize that Gaara is a bit OOC in this fic, but it's in the middle of the time skip before Naruto returns. So that means that Gaara is hovering somewhere between bloodthirsty killer and reformed kage who'll let himself get blown up and kidnapped just to save his village from falling sand (which was his in the first place). In other words, Gaara is trying to be a nice guy. Aaaw, isn't that sweet? The sociopathic maniac is trying to me nice again! Just like when he was a cuddly little kid (pre-Yashamaru).

I'm not sure how I'm ending this exactly, but I'm just typing as I think.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Dinner and A Show  


**((AN: HAPPY ****REALLY ****REALLY ****REALLY ****REALLY ****REALLY ****LATE BIRTHDAY IGGY! (sorry i didn't get this chapter out on your b-day...11 days ago... yeah, day before Valentines. Funny.))  
**

Temari had spent the several hours locked up in her room. Gaara waited in his own bedroom, next to hers, doing paperwork due the next day. Being Kazekage sucked... it was as bad as being an academy student, with all of this 'homework' he had to do. Not that he didn't have a lot of extra time on his hands. It's not as if he _needed to sleep_. He paused in his work, as if sensing impending danger.

"Gaaaara!" Temari said sweetly, opening the door to Gaara's room. The youngest brother shuddered at the sound of her voice. Could it be... Temari was the reincarnate of the devil?-! "Ah, you're normal! And by that, I mean notpsycho-mode!anyway, that's good! I made a list of the pros and cons of everyone who came!"

Temari pulled out a very short slip of paper from her pocket. One page, front and back, double-spaced and her big, loopy handwriting...

"It took you two hours to do this?" he asked his sister skeptically.

"It was a very long and difficult task," she said solemnly. "Now _read_."

Gaara looked down at the list of names on it.

**Hyuga Hanabi** (note to self: last resort only)  
Pros  
-She's a girl.  
-Hyuga, cool white eyes  
Cons  
-She's younger, more likely to die after you.  
_-If you kill her, her family will hunt us all down._  
-You're not a pedophile.

**Hyuga Hinata**  
Pros  
-Cute face  
-Shy and probably won't try to run away  
-Hyuga, cool white eyes  
-Family won't care as much if she dies  
Cons  
-Stutters too much  
-Kinda annoying  
-Likes another guy  
-The guy she likes is Naruto, who is your closest friend, despite having left without saying a thing to you a year or two ago... your _only_ friend?

**Tenten**  
Pros  
-Cute outfits, cute face  
Cons  
-Disappears sporadically at random occasions  
-No last name?  
-No personality?

**Haruno Sakura**  
Pros  
-Cute face, nice figure  
-Medic-nin (god knows, we need some of those in the family...)  
-Smart  
-Doesn't seem to mind demons?  
Cons  
-High forehead, though easily overlooked  
-Naturally pink hair (will it run in the family?)

**Yamanaka Ino**  
Pros  
-Blond, confident  
-Nice figure and hair  
Cons  
-Annoying  
-Stuck up  
-Rude  
-Ditsy/Stupid

**Hyuga Neji**  
Pros  
-Pretty hair and eyes  
-Hyuga prodigy  
-_Could_ look like a girl...  
Cons  
-A guy  
-No kids  
-End Sabaku line  
-A guy  
-Voted most likely to kill you in you sleep (of the girls/other guests) if you ever slept  
-Is a guy

Gaara forced his eyes away from her list and looked up at his sister. "Are you _crazy_?"

"Well, it does seem to run in the family," Temari said. After all, their father stuck a demon in their mother, their mother went crazy from their father sticking a demon in their mother and died hating Gaara, and their mother's brother (their uncle) went crazy from their mother going crazy from their father sticking a demon and tried to kill Gaara, and Gaara went crazy from their uncle going crazy and trying to kill him because his sister (their mother) went crazy and died hating Gaara from their father being crazy, sticking a demon in the womb of their mother. It was all a tangled web. Maybe growing up with their younger brother made them crazy too? Hm... perhaps.

"Okay..." Gaara said, taking a deep breath. "I have already established to you that I am not interested in women... but I am even less interested in men. You know that. Why is Hyuga Neji on this list?"

"Oh, Neji's a last-last resort after Hanabi. They are only there in case you kill off all of the other girls."

Gaara glared at his sister. "Congratulations, you have just wasted two hours of your life."

"Thank you," Temari said. Gaara looked down the list and pocketed it. "Now... let's go do something!"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. I ran out of ideas once they arrived. Do you have any ideas?"

"No. This was your plan, and I don't even know what you're scheming."

"And I'm still not telling you," Temari said, giving him a 'Hah, I know something you don't know' look. He'd kill her if he could.

* * *

"We are so totally wasting our time here," Ino sighed, lounging on the couch. 

"Then leave," Kankurou said, not looking up from his puppet magazines. Hm... a salamander-type puppet... He could install a few extra mechanisms of his own as well.

"But I don't wanna!" Ino whined. "_Gaara's_ the guy she's trying to set up? Like, are you really really really sure?"

"Yes, now go away!" the puppeteer said, trying to think.

"I'm not sure what I'm thinking about this!" she said, ignoring the latter part of his comment. "I mean, Gaara's cute and all, but he's... scary."

"Then don't go out with him."

"Aw..."

"Well if you're going to be like that, then go out with him."

"But I don't want to die, he'll kill me in five seconds..."

"Then don't go out with him!"

"But he's cute with the red hair and the pretty green eyes..."

"Then go out-- augh, just shut up and go away!" Kankurou shouted, throwing a magazine at Ino.Ino jumped and landed on him like a rabid cat and whacked him repeatedly with the magazine."Ack! Hey...! Stop it. Stop it! That's annoying, you're annoying, quit it!"

"Try to do that again, puppet-boy, just try! I'll teach you to throw pieces of paper at me...!"

Sakura sighed. Thing had been going on like this for a while. "Well, I don't think Gaara's _that_ bad," she commented.

"I-I-I-I h-h-h-heard h-he h-ha-hasn't k-killed anyone r-recently," Hinata said to Kankurou.

"Yeah, he hasn't really done anything like that recently, since he became Kazekage a few weeks back. Like, three weeks?"

"...KAZEKAGE?" almost everyone in the room repeated.

"You mean _he's_ the new leader of _Sunagakure_?" Ino said excitedly.

"H-h-he b-beat N-Na-Naruto..." Hinata said, feeling a bit bad for Naruto. Then again, he and Gaara were almost friends. Maybe he wouldn't feel bad? Yes, Naruto was the type of person who would respect Gaara and be happy that Gaara had reached a goal similar to Naruto's.

"Wow..." Tenten said. The kazekage of the Sand! Then he must be, like, RICH! And if you're rich, you could import all of the weapons you want, no matter how rare! Or illegal! Neji glared at his teammate, who was currently lost in a daydream... swimming in a pool of kunai. And money.

"You're thinking with your wallet again, Tenten," he warned her.

"Huh? Oh, right..." she said.

Kankurou heard the girls' comments and groaned inside. They're _staying_! Aargh!

"Hello Kankurou and friends!" Temari said, running down the stairs with a _kazekage _in tow.

"Finally," Ino scoffed. "I was getting to wonder what you were doing upstairs.

"Oh, just making a small list of things," the Sand kunoichi said vaguely. "So uh... what are you guys doing?"

"Nothing," Sakura said. "We're just hanging around. Ino and Kankurou are fighting."

"Did you get your ass kicked by _another_ girl?" Gaara asked his brother, who glared at the kazekage.

"_No,_" Kankurou said, crossing his arms and looking in the other direction.

"Kankurou got beat up by a girl?" Sakura said. Kankurou glared at her. It wasn't as if he could do much in response to her comment... Sakura could beat him up too...

"Yeah," Temari said cheerfully. "Two and a half, actually."

Most of the people in the room sweatdropped. "...Two and a half?" Tenten repeated.

"Yeah..." Temari said with a thoughtful expression. "Well, stick around long enough, and you'll meet them. Let's go out and get some dinner or something. Gaara's treat!"

Gaara scowled. "I'm not going to pay for all of you idi..." They ran out before he could finish talking. "...ots..." he said lamely to himself.

"Too bad," Sakura said. "Are you coming?"

He frowned at her. She smiled. He glared. She smiled. He gave up. "If you guys are putting it on my tab, I might as well eat," he muttered. Sakura grinned.

* * *

"Kankurou! We're in public! Feet off the table!" Temari yelled as she and her brother argued at the buffet. 

"Temari, we're in public!" Kankurou shouted back at her, imitating her sharp tone. "Cover your face!"

SMACK-FIGHT!

"Aaah!" Kankurou fell over when she poked his eyes. "Aaaaaaaah! My eye! My eyes! They're burning!"

"You wuss," she said.

"Does this happen a lot...?" Sakura asked Gaara.

"Yes, which is I usually don't eat out in public with them," he replied, moving to the edge of the table. Several girls behind him watched him with a strange gleam in their eyes. Gaara decided it was safer for him to move back to his siblings and the rest of the group. Girls. He shuddered.

Temari saw this and sighed. It was time... she'll have to wait until they get him and try to go through _It_ as quickly as possible, to try and shorten the pain. 'Poor Gaara,' she thought. 'It's almost time...'

They were all fighting over their dinners (despite their being at a buffet) when Gaara felt a suppressed, eerie sensation. As if someone was running a cold finger down his spine (how he knew how it felt like when no one had the guts to do that, no one will ever know... including me). He felt an impending sense of ddom as a shadow loomed over him. Gaara turned around and almost screamed if he wasn't a kazekage with a reputation to uphold.

"Gaaaaaraaakichi!" a girl cried, jumping on his back and nearly knocking him over. Aaaah! The had red hair, green eyes, and dark circles around her...

Everyone stared at Gaara, the girl, and then Gaara again.

"You have _two_ sisters?" Ino said. "I thought there were only three Sand siblings...?"

"We are not related," Gaara said stiffly, pointing a finger at the girl hanging on his neck. "I refuse to be related to something so..."

"Cheerful?" Temari suggested.

"Cute?" Kankurou added.

"Girly?"

"Normal?"

He glared at everyone at the table. "Shut up, you two."

"So um...who is this?" Sakura asked him.

"That's _our_ little sister," another voice said. Two blonds, a boy and a girl, walked over to their table. The girl had long braided hair, wrapped around her neck like a noose,and the boy had shorter, layered hair. They boy had similar facial features and expressions and wore outfits similar to each others: a plain T-shirt (do they have T-shirts...?) and sand-colored khakis.

"Hello, Kazekage-sama," the girl said.

"This is Makoto Maruko," Temari said, "a new merchant in Sunagakure. Mariku's his twin, she's a jounin. Mikoto's the youngest of them, and she's still a genin."

"Uh, don't you mean _her_ twin?" Sakura said.

"Huh?" Temari looked at Sakura blankly. Maruko, the girl with the long hair, shrugged and glanced at the people gathered at the table.

"Aw, no guys?" the girl said. The other twin got a strange look on his face and hid a smile behind his hand.

"What do you mean, no guys?" Kankurou said, looking all offended.

"Oh, I'm not talking about you, Kankurou-kun. Just looking at your friends."

"What do you mean, no guys?" Neji echoed Kankurou, looking even more so offended.

Maruko stared at Neji for a moment and laughed. "Oh, oops, thought you were...uh, nevermind," she said. "I just never thought I'd find someone so much like me..." she said airily with a grin.

"You and I are nothing alike. You're a blue-eyed blond, so you're probably annoying and stupid as well. I've got dark hair, white eyes, and I'm a genius."

Maruko smiled, leaning close to him. "You're a very pretty genius..." she said, quickly giving him a kiss on the lips. "...aren't you...?" she added in a deeper voice.

Neji froze, one pale eye twitching. There was a flash as the other twin took a snapshot of Neji's shock. Tenten twitched. But before she could kill Neji for kissing this strange 'woman', the Hyuga prodigy screamed like it was hell on earth.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Temari, Kankurou, and the Makoto siblings were laughing on the ground. Maruko looked at Temari with a pleased look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Tenten asked.

Gaara sighed. "Maruko's a guy."

"...WHAT?"

Maruko grinned. "Want some proof?" he asked Tenten with a smirk.

"NO!"

Neji was downing his drinks and washing his mouth out.

"Oh, don't gargle in public," Maruko said to Neji.

"Don't kiss me in public," Neji replied, glaring at Maruko, which activated his Byakugan. "Or in private. Or anywhere else."

"But you're so pretty," Maruko said. More veins... He laughed. "No worries, Hyuga-sama," he said, giving him a mock bow. "I've eyes only for my dear, dear Temari-san," he said, hugging Temari, only to get hit in the face. "...Who can be quite exciting to be around of course," he said, rubbing his nose as Temari glared at him. ((No, it's not TemariXOC...but there _is _a point of having this...guy.))

"How did you know who he was?" Tenten demanded.

"How many white-eyed shinobi do you see everyday?" Maruko asked them with a smile. "I'm not a shinobi, but I'm far smarter than either of my sisters. Of course, it doesn't take much to be so. No worries, Hyuga, I'm not interested in you."

"Then why in hell's name did you _kiss_ me?" he asked Maruko angrily.

Maruko shrugged and pointed at his twin. Mariku grinned and waved, a camera in hand. "We've got a scrapbook."

One thing led to another, and the Makotos were now sitting at the already crowded table. Gaara sighed. What were these people doing here...?-! It seemed these idiots were multiplying and spreading everywhere. Must... escape...!

After dinner, he decided, glancing at a certain person down the table.

"Hey, Hyuga," Kankurou said, "Give me my drink."

"Get it yourself, I'm not your servant."

"Of course not, you're the Main House's servant."

"...You want to run that one by me again?"

"No," Kankurou said truthfully, shaking his head. "Not really. Hyugag-girl, _you_ hand me my drink."

Hinata reached over when another voice told her not to. No, it wasn't some voice in her head...

"Hinata, do not lower yourself to that level," Neji said coolly.

"Yeah, you show 'em!" Hanabi piped up. "The Main House listens to no one!"

"...I-I-I-If I-I get th-the drink for K-K-K-Kankurou, I'll be l-l-listening t-to K-K-Kankurou..." Hinata said thoughtfully. "B-b-but if I d-don't get th-th-the d-dr-drink, I'll b-b-be l-l-l-listening to you, N-N-Neji-kun."

"...That's true," Hanabi said.

But the dilemma was solved when Tenten reached out and took the drink herself. Not for Kankurou. She drank it. Kankurou frowned.

"That's not enough to stop me," Kankurou said haughtily, grabbing for the drink, which Tenten hadn't had enough time to finish it. She pulled it back out of his reach, spilling a bit of the water over the side. This time, she licked the rim.

"Giiiive iiiit," he said, still not dismayed by her actions. He _still_ wanted to drink that?

Tenten gave it to Neji, who drank it as well.

"Okay, now that's just unfair," Kankurou muttered. He gave up and grabbed for another drink. Tenten grinned and took those too.

"Hey! You don't need that much water!" he growled as she took the three remaining cups and backed away.

"Oh, but I'm so parched!" Tenten said, holding the back of her hand to her forehead, looking faint. "This is my first time in the desert, and I need the water soooo much!"

"No you don't you liar!" Kankurou said. He ran straight at Tenten, meaning to take a glass of water from her when she turned to the side and tripped him. Flailing wildly, he grabbed the first thing he could hold on to. Neji's eyes widened and twitched when he saw Kankurou... grabbing Tenten.

"Uh...oops?" Kankurou said. He had that familiar feeling again... the one he experienced to much when he was on the same team with Gaara. The one that told him that he was going to die.

"Ten years of pain!" Tenten cried, kicking him in the nads.

"Juuken!"

Together, Neji and Tenten proceeded to beating the crap of out the puppet user.Gaara sighed. He was surrounded by idiots!

Sakura laughed at that. "It almost seems unfair, double-teaming on your brother."

"If he can't handle two Leaf shinobi, then he doesn't deserve to be a jounin, let alone my brother," he muttered.

"Well Neji's a jounin too," Sakura said. "And Tenten's one of the best kunoichi in the Leaf."

'Who got beat up by my sister who didn't so much as break a sweat...' Gaara added silently, not really feeling like talking back. "Are they going out?" he asked her.

"Who?"

"Neji and Tenten."

"Are you jealous?"

"_No_. Neji's a guy, no matter how bishified he is."

"Of Tenten, I mean."

"Oh... No, I'm not."

"Well why not?" Sakura asked him.

"One, she's not really that strong. Two, she has no personality to speak of."

"Well, she has a personality..." she said, sweatdropping. "She just...doesn't stick around long enough for anyone to figure out just what kind of 'personality' she has."

"She's 'sporadic' (1)."

Sakura smiled. "True. Very random. You don't like random girls?"

"They're too weird. Anyway, you can't really say Tenten's the strongest kunoichi in the Leaf anymore, with everyone getting stronger the way you are."

"Wow, was that a compliment?"

"Of course not," Gaara retorted. "I don't compliment people."

"Ah. Well good because that would be totally out of character for you," Sakura said. Sure, Gaara would never compliment her, but at least she knew a few things about him. One: he liked strong girls. Two: he liked personality. She smiled.

Gaara and Sakura (as well as everyone else in the restuarant) watched Tenten and Neji double-teamed the poor puppetmaster.

* * *

(1) While Tenten can mean heaven or sky or something like that, it also means 'sporadic', which really fits her since her appearances are really random and she's hardly a main character.

* * *

**My Thinking Corner**

Okay, okay, I am updating as slow as hell. Sorry? I changed my mind about something that you'll never know about, so it doesn't really matter whether I tell you about it now or not anyway.

I got hit in the head by a textbook recently... All of a sudden, I think my brain was fixed. (Or screwed up in other ways as well, but let's not get into that...) Why? Because I now have several other ideas regarding new fics and old plans. The list Temari made for Gaara was based on another person's fiction. Yes, it was a fiction about setting up Gaara, but... I can't remember what it's called. Sorry, Writer-Whose-Fiction-I-Cannot-Find-Therefore-Cannot-Cite... T-T

Anyway, I was expected a review or two, but I didn't expect fourteen of them! Thanks! (dances like nobody's watching... and nobody is.)

Sorry about the slow updates. My computer at him is crapped up so I'm stuck using library computers in which, if I am caught here, I shall be banned from the library. Yeah... mean people T-T.

* * *

**BloodHeron**: Neji's worst nightmare is probably having to join them in their 'cool guy' pose, which he actually ended up doing in my other fic. Poor Neji... T-T Anyway... a lecture for Gaarakichi, eh? Oooh yeah...He's going to go through hell...scarred for life... Are you happy now, you evil evil person? 

**sakura13pisces**: I'm trying to keep it all equal later until they start getting rid of the useless girls he has no interest in girls. There'll be more of her, I suppose. I was actually just planning on bringing in girls to annoy the hell out of Gaarakichi and then end up not pairing him with anyone at all, but just think of all the flames I'd get!

**Twistedmemories**: (stars in my eyes) Yaaaay! Thanks!

**masaki1**: Don't worries, I'm writing and thinking as fast as I can.

**another spazz case**: Thanks, I'll try to keep it as funny as possible then!

**Me**: (nice penname...XD) I know, I know, Gaara may end up single forever, the way Kishimoto writes Naruto... which is why I'm doing this! I don't really like a lot of Cannon Char. X OC pairings, so I usually try to use original characters more unless I have to.

**pixiegirl100**: ... I can sooo imagine Neji beating the hell out of Kankurou. Poor puppet guy... I like him too. May he rest in peace... (laughs evilly) Hehehehehe...

**ladyaymie**: Well what other characters are there? I only meant to bring in the girls for Gaara in the first place, but then, I was like, 'Bring Neji! He's halfway there!' I mean, the only guy girlier than Neji is HAKU. I like Haku, but I hate bringing him back to life. Weird... Of course, I can't bring in Naruto since he's on a training thing, and Sasuke because he's AWOL. Shikamaru's going to end up coming... But who else? I don't know who to bring then, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to help me out and give me a few names/people to add to the fic and I'll try to find an excuse to stick them in here then.

**TemariKolulu**: (salutes) Hai! Updating ASAP!

**Stardancer**: Yaay, another chap!

**Zero-vision**: Hehe, I'd tell you, but it almost ounds as if you already know!

**Brokenbird**: There you go! And I'll update the next one soon too! (Hopefully)

**XxRevengexX**: It's hard to see someone with your pen name have watery eyes, but okay!

**Sabaku no Hana**: Yeah, you _know_ Neji makes an awesome stalker, with his Byakugan and all!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Neji's Bad Hair Day...or Night

Yeah, okay, so this chapter has a bit of OOCness, I think. And when I say a bit, I actually mean a lot.

"So, let me get this straight," Gaara said, glaring at Temari. "You invited a handful of shinobi to the Sand and you don't even reserve a place for them to say."

"...Yes."

"Did you think out any of this _at_ _all_?" he asked her, feeling increasingly agitated.

"...No," Temari said, looking away. Dammit, thinking was supposed to be Shikamaru's job! Why didn't he think up of this for her?Lazy bastard!

"Well," Kankurou said, "Temari, _you're_ setting Gaara up with all of the girls... They'll sleep in his room!"

"What? Then where am _I_ supposed to...oh nevermind," Gaara muttered.

"Hah, I knew you couldn't argue back. I mean, what are _you_ going to do in your room? _Sleep_?"

Gaara sighed. "Six girls in one bedroom?"

"You mean five girls and Neji," Temari said.

"Whatever. The guest room next to mine has two beds. They'll stay there too," Gaara said. But still, he had a bad feeling about this...

* * *

Hanabi jumped on the bed, squealing in delight. "Yaay!" she said. "I've got a bed all to mysel—" 

"Move over," Ino said, shoving her off the bed. Hanabi stuck her tongue out at Ino.

"Piiiig! You're hogging all the bed!" she cried. Neji and Tenten ran past them and ran into Gaara's room.

"Miiiine!" they shouted. They jumped on at the same time and started arguing about who got what side.

"They got the bigger one..." Sakura sighed wistfully to herself.

(start stutter) "It's just a bed," (end stutter) Hinata said.

"Anyway, they _need_ the extra space," Hanabi piped up. "Last time Neji and Tenten tried to share a futon, Tenten kicked the hell outta Neji in her sleep. I saw the whole thing! And when I say kicked, Neji didn't _just_ fall off the bed. He hit the wall!"

Gaara frowned. Nothing could be kept from a Hyuga. Not that he cared, really. It wasn't _his_ privacy that she was invading.

"So where are you going to be?" Sakura asked Gaara.

"I don't sleep," he replied. "How many times do people have to emphasize that?"

"Well, I know that you don't sleep," she said. "But are you just going to stand there all night?"

"I'll find something to do," he said.

"Speaking of which...!" Ino said. "It's only eleven o'clock! I'm _so_ not going to go to sleep this early."

There was an awkward silence. (start stutter)"So what are we going to do?" (end stutter)

Ino grinned evilly, glancing at the door to Gaara's bedroom. "Get me ropes, a gag, and a hairbrush..." she said.

Moments later, all of Sunagakure could hear the terrified screams of their unfortunate victim.

* * *

Neji was tied down in the chair. "Tenten, you planned this from the start!" 

"We're ninjas," Ino said. "Why the heck didn't anyone have a gag?"

"Well, if 'from the start' is, in other words, since the day you decided to follow me here to Sunagakure, then yes. I planned it from the start. Besides, you never let me do your hair!" Tenten said to Neji. "And this is the perfect opportunity to have some fun—"

"For _you_ maybe!"

"—without your uncle trying to help you get away," she finished determinedly. Tenten had taken it upon herself to perform the task of capturing Neji.

"Daddy's too nice," Hanabi sighed to Gaara. "It's really too bad. He's always helping Neji run away when Tenten gets like this."

"I hate you aaaall!" Neji cried.

"Wanna help?" Sakura asked. Gaara took out a pair of scissors from Ino's shinobi equipment pouch. "Uh, no, we're not that mean," she said with a grin.

"I wasn't serious," he shrugged. All talking in the room stopped as everyone stared at Gaara.

"You were _joking_?" Tenten asked him.

Gaara frowned at the reaction. "Or lying."

"Oh. Heh," Ino laughed nervously. "_Anyway_...PIGTAILS!"

"Noooooo!" Neji cried, struggling to get away from the chair as the girls advanced on him. His pride... his hair... the humiliation! He leaned forward and started edging away, inch by inch. Impressively enough, his 'inch by inch' was pretty fast.

"He's getting away!" Hanabi cried. But, it turned out, the poor boy couldn't even get past the door as he kicked at it as hard as he could, which wasn't very hard, considering that he was almost completely tied up.

Meanwhile, Kankurou had been listening to the screaming for a while and was starting to get curious as to what in Sunagakure was going on in the guest rooms. He frowned, trying to push open the door. Someone was screaming inside and the door had something obstructing the entrance... He shoved it open with all his strength and looked inside where he found...

...Neji on the ground, knocked out from when Kankurou hit him with the door, and all the girls advancing on him, armed with beauty supplies. Kankurou looked at his brother, who seemed to be at wondering whether to join in on this 'cruel and unusual punishment' to fulfill his title as 'Sadist of the Year' or to avoid this one so he could preserve his Golden Rule: 'I don't interact with other people because I'm too cool'. Choices, choices...

Kankurou frowned at the unconscious Hyuga, thanking the gods that he didn't have a pretty-boy face or that long silky hair that made the girls go ga-ga all over. He shuddered, pitying him.

"Kankurou, unless you are going to watch, you had better leave," Ino said. "Because if you're helping Neji, you'll have four and a half of us to fight off..."

"Why do I count as only half a girl...?" Hanabi wondered.

"The moment you go through puberty and look like a woman and wear makeup and do things with your hair...in short, make yourself pretty, we'll count you as one whole woman," Ino said cheerfully.

"That's not fair!"

"Life's not fair, sweetie. Now once you get to the two digits, you'll be a woman."

"I'm almost ten! My birthday's in a month!"

"Oh...well once you turn eleven you can join us."

"You changed it!"

While Ino fended herself off from the raging Hyuga, Tenten continued from where Ino trailed off from the subject. "Anyway, Kankurou, if you aren't with us, then you are against us, and anyone who opposes Girl Power is getting their asses kicked.

Kankurou backed out of the room and quietly closed the door.

"Asshole!" Neji said, recovering from his collision with the door. "Coward! Idiot! Ugly tranvestite who plays with mutated dolls."

"Puppets...!" they could hear Kankurou shout back through the doors. "They're _puppets_!"

Neji screamed as the girls played with his hair. Gaara sighed and rubbed his eyes. This was going to be a long night...

"Tired?" Sakura asked, sitting next to him as Neji was forced to go along with this torture.

"Of course..." he muttered. "Your friends are crazy."

"Well, that's what they're like. Can't live with them, can't live without...actually, I guess I could..."

He sighed. "I'm surprised that you aren't joining in with them. You seemed the girliest. Second only to Ino."

Sakura laughed. "Personally, I think this is just cruel. But this is probably Tenten's weird way of saying 'I love you' to Neji."

"They're going out?" Gaara asked, feeling rather annoyed. "Then why are they even here?"

"Neji and Tenten just recently broke up again," Sakura said.

"Then why is Neji following her? Last time when my sister had a weird stalker, she beat the living daylights out of him. And then they became friends... but don't tell me that the women of Konoha can't even defend themselves from their own men. I saw you clobbering Naruto quite a few times."

"Where you watching me?"

"Yes," he said simply. "As were the rest of your friends, family, and other fellow shinobi of Konoha."

Sakura laughed. "I guess I _did_ hit Naruto a lot before..." she said.

"Yeah... so...how's he doing?"

"Not sure," she said.

He frowned. "Did you _lose_ him?"

"He left Konoha with a man named Jiraiya a few months ago," she said. "After the failed mission."

"Oh. The sannin, right?"

"Yeah," she said, watching Neji struggle to escape.

"Hn, a training mission then. A really long one."

"Yup," Sakura said, with a falsely cheerful look on her face.

"It almost looks fun," Gaara commented, changing the subject and referring to the girls and Neji. "Not for Neji, of course."

"Yeah," she sighed. "Poor Neji. Personally, I think it's a bit sad how Neji is a guy and has the prettiest hair in Konoha."

"You make it sound like it was made official," he retorted.

"It _was_."

"..." -

"Yeah," she said, with an almost sad expression on her face. "It was in the Shinobi Chronicles. Neji was voted, 'Most Beautiful Hair'. Ino was second, Hanabi was third, Hinata was fourth, Tenten was fifth."

Gaara paused, then made a face. "_You _should have been up there."

"Really?" Sakura said.

"...Yeah, I mean, if Tenten could have made it up there, then you definitely could have," he said, this time without a second of hesitation.

"Oh... well it doesn't matter anyway," Sakura said. "I didn't enter myself in the polls."

"...Then how on earth did Neji get in there if he didn't enter himself?"

Sakura paused. "Yeah... how _did_ he do that...?" she wondered. Gaara and Sakura traded glances and one of them laughed. Three guesses who. But Gaara raise an almost nonexistent eyebrow in... amusement? Whoa... _that _was weird.

Neji cut through the ropes with his chakra needles and began to escape through the windows.

"Should we help Neji or the girls?" Gaara wondered.

"Well, if we go against the girls, then we're opposing 'Girl Power', apparently," Sakura said. "So it might be easier to stick with the girls' side on this one."

"You're right," Gaara said. He was relatively untouchable, but it had been proved that his ultimate defense was not so ultimate after all. And it was said that women were the root of all evil. Better not risk that. Tendrils of sand forced Neji back inside as the girls pounced on him and he was unable to escape.

"Besides," Sakura said, "this is more interesting. Just how many people get so see Neji of all people freak out like this?"

"Is freaking out that interesting?"

"It is when the person freaking out is like some sort of a shinobi god," Sakura answered. "I mean, there was Sasuke when he first fought Lee. And then got beat up—"

"That was at your first chuunin exams, right?" Gaara said. "The idiot freaked out so badly he couldn't even land on his own two feet..."

"—and then when you first fought Lee, and you got beat up—"

"That wasn't so interesting for me," he muttered darkly. "Not very fun, getting bounced around."

"—and then the part where Neji and Lee fought, and Neji got beat up—"

"And I missed that?" he asked incredulously.

"You know what else you missed? Naruto's ultimate technique."

"The kage bunshin no jutsu?"

"No, I know you've seen that one. And it's much more interesting than that."

"The rasengan?"

"Well, you've never seen that, but that's not it. It's a bit less destructive, but much more chaotic."

"Some kind of crazy taijutsu technique that's completely experimental?"

"Nope... he calls it the 'Sexy no Jutsu'," Sakura said.

"...You've got to be kidding me," Gaara said. "How does _that_ work?"

"It's actually just the henge no jutsu," she explained. "But he turns into a naked girl with huge breasts and stuff... It's annoying recently."

"Wait, huge like Tsunade's huge? Because I can't think of anything unsexier than that," he said. "I mean, they're so huge, they go down to her stomach. Sagging boobs, old lady, and a serious case of a midlife crisis isn't the most attractive thing, in my opinion..."

Sakura laughed. "Yeah, well, so far it has a hundred percent knock-out rate. I'm pretty sure that the only guy to have withstood it is Jiraiya, who had exposed himself to that technique several times in trade of teaching Naruto the rasengan, and some kid named Konohamaru, who Naruto taught it to."

"He actually _taught_ it to someone? That's psychotic..."

"Well, Konohamaru is mastering it right now, but it's still not as effective as Naruto's harem technique..."

"A harem technique?" Just what else would this crazy kid come up with?"

"Yeah... it involves a henge, his kage bunshins, and a lot of hugging," she said.

"Ah...great..." Gaara mentally noted never to fight with Naruto ever again. He was relatively resistant to girls, much to his chagrin, but he wasn't willing to risk the humiliation and chaos that would occur if that bizarre technique ever actually worked on him.

Gaara and Sakura continued to talk as the girls tortured their resident Konoha genius. It was later that night when everyone had fallen asleep when Gaara realized it but as he clean the hair cleaning supplies, combs, brushes, and even a bit of the eyeliner 'equipment' off the floor (why did Ino have these things in her kunai pouch? what kind of cracked up kunoichi was she...?), he (almost) smiled. Sakura considered him a 'shinobi god', among Sasuke and Neji, the two young bishounen of Konoha. He didn't like the idea of being on the same level with a 'bishie', but... _girls_ seemed to love them... Heh.

* * *

I wasn't sure how to end the night and start the next day, so here it is... I'm not sure what direction to take this fic. I guess it's Sakura and Gaara then, since that's what people are going by most. I was tempted to discontinue this. I actually had this scene in another fic of mine, saved up for future chapters, but I was running out of ideas for this one. Hence the discontinuing. But I'm struggling to actually get/go through with this fic. Can't seem to remember what the point of making this was. Like, how on earth I was going to finish this. So yeah, I guess I'm recycling ideas... I really wanted to get more of Neji's nightmare out. Actually, that idea... I was going to stick it in my HP-Na crossover, since that's my main fanfic for the time being. But then I used it for this one. I had also been planning on making a short oneshot based on that chaos. 

Also, I have in my e-mail account the written permission of Topaz Talyn ((ooh, I hope I spelled that right... I've been making my spell-checker shit itself recently...)) to use the list from the WinWin Situation, a fic similar to this one. Also much longer as well.

**me**: Yeah, I know that's not 'gud'. And, uh, no, the story line WAS originally mine. I was going to do a series of 'Bachelor' fics, them being Hyuga Neji starring in the Bachelor-Leaf Style, Uchiha Sasuke, Sound-style Bachelor, Haku, Kakashi, and finally... _Gai_. (no girls appear...). Unfortunately, though I may have the time, I barely have the patience to finish this fic, let alone the others. So yes, I know my storyline is a lot like Topaz Talyn's, but originally, I had thought of it _myself_.

I meant to write to other anonymous reviewers, but... yeah, I don't feel like going back. Sorry peoples!

Anyway, don't look forward to the next chapter too soon. My computer when psycho ninja on me and kicked my ass before jumping out the window and wreaking havoc upon my neighbors before someone finally put an end to it with a hammer and a glue gun. Don't ask... Just kidding, but yeah, it's definitely dead. A friend said something about getting a mother board, whatever that is... And I'm like... Eh? I think it was because a certain idiot living in the same vicinity as me was silly enough to jam, like, some wireless internet cord thingie into the phoneline thing in the computer... I'm sad. So yes, please don't ask me to update super soon... that just makes me feel guilty. And annoyed. (glares at the idiot who killed my precious computer! ("buuuusteeer! Please come back to life! I neeeeeed yoooou!" and yes, my computer is named Buster. I think it's a Gundam thing. I never named it. I never got to watch any gundam at all... T-T)). Anyway, yeah. Chapter coming late because of my defective computer. And also because of my dry period. I couldn't seem to think of anything to write...

I just looked back at my last chapter and realized that I called Hinata the 'Hyugag' girl. Oops... I ought to fix that later. But I won't. Because now that I think about it, it's funny. I am a bit sad that no one brought it up though... (sweatdrop) Y'all are laughing at me, aren't you...


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